Loosing Myself

My mother went on to be with the Lord about 4 years ago and my father only about 5 months ago. Let’s just say there is a major void left or so I thought. Nothing compares to having your own parents however I thank God for awesome believers in my life who have held me up in my time of bereavement.  I have an awesome support system. I thank God for those who have listened to me vent, scream, cry and complain which seems like to me an endless amount of time.  I finally feel like I am coming out on the other side………

I think that sometimes we get so caught up in living day to day and operating in the world that we forget that we are not of it! Although we are flesh we are spirit beings having a worldly experience. We are a part of a bigger picture that is such a big deal. It is about kingdom and winning souls, healing the hurting, spreading the good news and so much more. Now I will speak for myself in saying that I often get sidetracked by the things of this world and what my goals, dreams and aspirations are versus what my concentration should be which is walking out the will of God in my everyday life and being an example of his goodness in the earth.

Somewhere along the way I lost myself!! I have been very concerned with working hard for what appears to be material gain.  Inadvertently with the loss of my parents, in order to cope with extreme grief, I buried myself in going harder after my goals and achieving and attaining more.   I wanted a house 3 children an amazing salaried job with a cushy title and a luxury vehicle. I wanted to travel the world and explore life freely and have notoriety.  This has been my dream since I was 11 or 12.  I have been more than blessed in my life, but what I have found as that I wasn’t content! Operating out of my own will to get my needs met (which if you didn’t know is sin) not praying as much as I should and always chasing after more. Sure I was tithing, sure I was praying for others but not living to my fullest potential in Christ Jesus.

I am far from a perfect creature I recognize that I have been in my own way? Have you? In my quest to be a go-getter I forgot to honor the one who gave me all I have.  I have noticed that I have been immensely blessed in so many areas but may have missed the opportunity to thank and praise God for what he had already done for looking for what he had yet to do! So today I choose to loose myself again but for the right reason… to decrease myself and increase more of the father.